Not the baby picture you were expecting

I don't know why it's taken me so long to come out of the closet about this (I have some ideas, which I'll get into shortly), but I have a bit of a secret I've been keeping. It seems that somehow, while we weren't looking, this implanted itself in my uterus:


Turns out what I thought was salmonella poisoning back in September was actually a bug of a different sort, and I'm now four months pregnant. I've known basically since October, but it has taken some time to wrap my head around it all enough to feel ready to share.

Part of my hesitation, I'm sure, was the fact that I had a rough first trimester emotionally, physically, mentally—I was beyond exhausted, nauseous all the time, and cranky enough that I'm still sort of surprised anyone I know in real life is still speaking with me.

But the bigger reason is that I've been concerned about all the pregnancy-after-adoption issues. My main worry, I suppose, is that this will somehow make Sidamo feel like he's second-best. We've already gotten a disconcerting number of, "How nice that you'll finally have one of your own!" comments, and those just cut to the core. And if we're getting them now, when the "one of our own," is only five inches long and is safely hidden within inches of tissue, what will it be like when they're sharing a double stroller?

I know lots of families think about these issues before they even adopt, and plenty of happy families have been formed exactly this way, but it just hadn't really entered our thought process until the doctor called to congratulate me (on what I thought was salmonella, mind you). It's taken a few months to work through it all, but I think we're getting there. I guess no one ever knows exactly how things will go—especially when kids are involved—so we'll just prepare as best we can and handle issues as they come up.

One thing I do know: Sidamo is going to be a fantastic big brother. He's fun, funny, caring, and so wonderful with babies. He seems to really enjoy being around them, he's very gentle, and he doesn't get jealous when I hold or care for them (lots of newborns in our circle of friends). He's exactly what I'd look for in an older brother if I could pick one.

Now if someone could just tell me how to combine the sleep deprivation newborns bring and the non-stop energy of a toddler (while maintaining some measure of sanity), I'll feel like we're really prepared.